A Muse You Can't Paint…


I think this would make the most beautiful painting. 
I want to paint him. I want to paint him SO much! I started prepping the background of a canvas for this with all the beautiful iridescent paints I have. But, I needed to keep the centre blank for him. I painted around a basic outline of where his shoulders, arm and head would/should go. I could see as I was filling in around the centre, I was going to make his face too wide and short. Increasingly disheartened, I painted the whole canvas in.

It was turning into an abomination. I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to paint him in there now, unless I layer and layer.
I struggle too much with getting angles, proportions and aspect ratios right. 
If I can pick myself back up off the floor, I might try doing something with it again tomorrow…but I think it’ll probably just turn into a bird canvas – again.
A flamingo, or some humming birds.
It’s bloody horrible wanting to paint someone so much, but you feel you can’t.
The only time I remotely felt successful at painting him was with this…

And it’s still hideous. I should have kept it abstract, like below…

Maybe I won’t do birds on the new canvas? Maybe just something wonderfully abstract. We’ll see.
I want to believe in myself! I want to believe I have ability…CAPABILITY…but I am just perpetually unhappy with what I achieve when I paint. Especially when I try to paint Jim.
*sigh*

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